Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 10 2nd Post- 30 Days of Truth... Someone you need to let go.

Ok so this topic has kinda been in my thoughts all day long.  I guess I do have someone or someone's I need to let go.

I had 2 sets of Grandparents growing up.  The Berg's and The Elzea's.  Both very different.

The Berg's (the ones that I mentioned back on Day 3 ) were there for everything I did growing up.  Dance recitals, Halloween, Prom, Band and Choir Concerts.  I spent most of my summers growing up at their house.  They were always there for me.  My Grandma was retired all of my life and was a seamstress.  My grandpa Retired early in my life from Hennipen County and spent the rest of his life running after me.

The Elzea's.  I didn't do much with this set of my grandparents and quite honestly I am not sure why.  I mean I do have memories of fashion shows at Minnesota fabrics where my Grandma worked.  She was a seamstress and came up with some pretty cool outfits that I would get to model.  My grandpa worked for the county. He took me on his rounds a couple of times.  I think he did maintainance on county properties.  We went to the library, the sheriffs office and other public building.  He also taught music lessons.

I should also mention that I was the only GrandChild of The Berg's and the First Born out of 5 on the Elzea side.

Maybe that's where all this started.  Maybe sense I was the only grandchild The Berg's had more time to spend with me and that was why they spent so much time with me and I pretty much ruled to roost.  Maybe I expected to much of The Elzea's and really they were doing what they could and did love me just as much and I was not giving them the credit that they needed.

I have never been real close to The Elzea Grandparents and really as I write this post am just realizing that maybe I am partly to blame why our relationship is the way it is.  Maybe, maybe not.

My Grandparents  ( Elzea's) have maybe told me that they loved me a handful of times.  I think in that family the word love is hard to come by.  Where on the Berg side I always knew how they felt not just because they told me all that time but they also showed it.

I have kinda removed myself from that side of my family and don't go out of my way to visit or include them in anything.  I tried when my son was born and went and visited with them but all that they could talk about was either about what my other cousins were doing or what the band students were doing.  Like anything I did would never compare to anything that anyone else could do.

My grandpa has had a couple of strokes and I have not gone to see him.  In a way I feel bad but in a way I don't.  I am over an hour away from them.  I love my grandparents and now that The Berg's are gone now more then ever I feel fortunate that at age 36 I still have one set left of grandparents and feel bad that I do not really know them.  I thought that maybe they were jealous of the relationship that I had with The Berg's and that was maybe why the treated me like they did.  Deep down inside I though that maybe after The Berg's passed that they would step up and be the Grandparents that I needed.  Though I just set myself up for let down, they never stepped up to console me or tell me how sorry they were or anything.  Again maybe its me putting expectations on them that are really way more then they ever could live up too and maybe its my fault that I did that to them.

I guess you could say I let them go a long time ago and moved on with my life.  I still revisit this topic allot and wonder if I should rethink it and take that step one more time and open myself up to only get let down once again.  I think for my own sanity I need to let them go for good..........

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel! I spent more time with one set of grandparents as opposed to the other and part of the reason was that my parents were divorced.
    When I got older I started to visit my grandma on my dads side a lot more, but my grandpa I never really got to know because he died when I was younger.
    I enjoyed the time that I was able to spend with my grandma, we used to have a lot of fun hanging out, going to dinner, movies, and shopping.