Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Birthday Blues....

Its once again that time of year, when I get a little bit older, allot wiser and tend to be very on edge and touchy.  

When I was a younger I really used to look forward to my birthday.  My grandparents would make it a super awesome day.  My grandma would make sure I had a cake and my grandpa would make sure I had flowers and I would get to do whatever I wanted.  (as you can see from the picture to the left, I even got to sit on the table) 

As I grew older my grandparents would still make sure my day was special, having dinner, and one thing that I could alway count on was for sure there was a birthday card in the mail with a check in it for what everyone called "The Birthday Allowance"  not a ton of money I think it started out at $20 and every year my family would ask me how much the "The Birthday Allowance" check was because I was the one that usually set the going rate.  Once I turned 30 the allowance grew to be $30! 

2 years ago the cards stopped coming, and my birthdays stop being so important.  I have also noticed that I tend to become very irritable, easily upset and depressed the weeks before my birthday.  

My husband thinks its because they spoiled me so much and I now that their not here anymore I don't get spoiled anymore and even if he tried he couldn't spoil me as much as they did.  He probably right in some ways. But I'm pretty sure I fell like this because it makes me realize how much I miss my grandparents and that they are no longer here to celebrate with me. 

Before my grandpa passed away I asked him who was gonna love me unconditionally like he did. He was the only man that loved me no matter what and I could always count on him.  He told me that I could count on my husband, and that I needed to give him a chance to show me how much he really loved and cared for me.  

My husband is a pretty terrific man and sometime I forget and don't see that.  I need to remember what my grandpa told me and trust and let him take care of me and love me like I need to be loved.  

I also have a pretty terrific son who loves me unconditionally and is always there for me.  

I need to let my boys spoil me on my birthday and not get disappointed if what they planned falls short of what I have come to expect.  

I'm hoping this birthday is awesome and filled with great surprises. 

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