I'm sure everyone has one of these friends. I know I do and I have been told that I should just exclude them from my life, but I can't. No matter how much they hurt me its just not in
my nature to hurt someone in that way. Yes, I'm a sucker and wear my heart on my sleeve and emotions on my shoulders. I usually get hurt and people take advantage of my caring and forgiving nature. I guess I would rather it be me that gets hurt then even letting that person know how much they have hurt me.
I need to learn to be tuff and not let my friend put me down or think they are better then I am. The more I hear it the more I start to believe it and then I get stuck into this route, where I think I totally suck and can't do anything right. When I reach this low my Evil Twin usually pulls me back out of this pit by telling me how awesome I am and how I can do anything and points out all the great things I have accomplished. I'm very blessed to have my Evil Twin in my life without her I could not get through most every day.
But back to the "Toxic Friend" I truly don't think the friend knows what they are doing to hurt me and are just selfish, self-centered and don't know any-better and unlike me they can't put themselves first and not care who they hurt in the process of building themselves their own empire. Or maybe I just expect to much from my friends. I would think that whatever I would do for my friend they would do for me in return. Is that to much to ask? Is that not what a friend is for?
This summer I was not a good friend to a toxic friend and deiced that they could handle the situation that they were in without me. In doing so it made them closer to their family and in turn turned them away from me. I did this for a reason and the reason was to save my friends marriage. Hoping that they would turn to one another and find comfort in each other. This friend has always counted on me and this time it was just not possible for me to be there for them and they were forced to turn to each other for comfort. I'm happy that they are still together but sad that I hurt my friend, for it was not my intention.
As I look back on this situation I'm not mad at myself for how I handled the situation only sad that my friend did not see what I was doing to help them.
I still try and help as much as I can and I try and communicate and reach out to my friend as much as I can. I love my friend very, very much and hope that they understand why I did what I did and can find it in their heart to not be so cold hearted and selfish and realize everything I have done for them and let me back into their life.
*photo credit fooyoh.com
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